To run away again or not to run away

Wednesday, 21 March, 2018

Dilemmas and decisions, my hardest to deal with

Losing my sleep, rattling my pith

Taking their biggest tool on me

By giving me too much to see

Always wondering, always uncertain

So many things to consider, to determine

What is my best next step? What’s the best life move?

Will my plans be successful, or will life have me disproved?

Should I be so optimistic, aim high and strive for the best?

Or should I be more cautious, and run away from possible regret?

They are the worst, because they also make me wonder

What is my self worth? Should I better stay under

The radar of risk, of challenges, of hardship and hard work

The radar of achievement and happiness and worth…








Homeless is a state of mind

Monday, 25 September, 2017

Here I am, homeless. One of the many things I’ve never thought I’d be.

One of the many things I could’ve sworn that “it will not happen to me!”

I may have a roof over my head. For now

But that doesn’t change things. Somehow

Homeless is a state of mind

A horrible feeling that can’t be denied

Of not belonging, not being wanted

Of having your dreams thwarted.

Is it my ego that hurts so bad?

Or is it not being wanted by my dad?

Embarrassment? I guess that too

I’ve always been ashamed of you.

I need guidance. What to do?

How to protect her from you?

How to make you see

That the problem is not with me?

I am incapable of helping

Maybe that’s why I am hurting.



Revenge… However tempting it may be

I will not let it be the poison that kills me.

I don’t take the easy way out

I will survive another round.

I will make my dreams come true

I will live to see it through

I am strong and I will fight

To leave a home behind.

Compliment of the day

Wednesday, 10 September, 2014

You have very nice teeth, you’re really pretty. If you would have lived in the Middle Ages, you would’ve been very expensive to buy.

Irony of the day

Tuesday, 9 September, 2014

Open-mindedness is the best quality a person can have! And anyone who believes otherwise is, obviously, wrong and stupid!

Who are you? That’s a stupid question

Tuesday, 2 September, 2014

I’m not a “who”. I am just me. I can’t explain it, but why should I have to?

Can’t you see who I am? This is it. This, what you see right here. In front of your eyes. I am no object, nor am I a phenomenon, so I can not give you a definition.

Sure, there are some things that may define me. I am a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend, a friend, a cousin, an acquaintance. But that’s not all that I am.

I like some movies, some songs, some books, some pencils.. But that’s also not enough to define me.

I may spend my time in a certain way, have certain beliefs and fears, but since I am not the only human being in the world who has these preferences, simply sharing them won’t answer that question.

I am more than the words coming out of my mouth or the conscious thoughts that I have inside my head.

I am also not the sum of the above. There is so much more to me than the infinity of things that may define me.

I am not a machine that works under a simple set of rules: “Likes this, does that, if this happens then does that”. Given an imbalance in my life, there is no telling of how I will react to it.

And, to top it off, I am in a continuous change. Who I was yesterday might not be the same as I am today.

There are an infinity of preferences, beliefs, feelings and changes that I am going through, as we’re speaking.

I am impossible to define.

So how can you expect a simple answer to an impossible question?

I’m an AIESECer, which means that I hear the phrase “Get out of your comfort zone!” quite often.


This phrase is meant to motivate you to improve yourself by doing different stuff, stuff that you’re not used to doing, stuff that you don’t know how to do, stuff that you are not comfortable with. (The comfort zone being the stuff that you’re comfortable doing, the stuff that you know how to do and that you’re used to doing.)

The thing that I disagree about this idea is the comfortable part. As I said, getting out of your comfort zone implies doing uncomfortable things. Uncomfortable implies not feeling so good, being unhappy. So “Get out of your comfort zone!” would mean “Start doing things that make you feel miserable!”.

Since that’s what I hear when somebody tells me to get out of my comfort zone, I find myself thinking: “What’s wrong with being comfortable? I like comfortable shoes, comfortable clothes, comfortable beds. Everything the human race has been doing is meant to improve our comfort. Have we been doing everything wrong?”

That is the reason why I would stop telling myself to get out of my comfort zone and start saying “Extend your comfort zone!” instead.

Be comfortable with doing stuff that you’re not used to! Be ok with not knowing everything! Be happy while learning and improving yourself! Extend your comfort zone!


Is your to-do list overwhelming?

Monday, 20 January, 2014

Have you ever had so much to do that it all became overwhelming and you ended up doing none of it instead?
Whenever that happens next, take in a deep breath, stand still for 1 minute and think about everything that you have to do.
Then take a pen and a piece of paper and write down a list of every little thing that you have to do. Break the chores into smaller, simpler chores. For example, instead of writing down “laundry,” write “pick up dirty clothes,” “separate dirty clothes,”  “put dirty clothes in the washing machine,” “put detergent in the washing machine,” etc.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to do everything you wrote today. Then look for the thing that takes the least time and energy to do, and do it. After you’ve done that, cross it out from the list with a different color pen. Then repeat.

If you have a more childish personality, like myself, you could count the rows from your list and make a drawing with as many leaves, flowers, balloons or even circles. Then, whenever another chore is done, color one item. This might help motivate you to “complete the picture.”

Whenever you managed to do 5 or 10 chores, reward yourself with a little treat.

If you want people to like you, make them like themselves.

Yes, I know, you want them to appreciate you. You want to feel appreciated. That’s what everybody wants, to feel like they matter.

And yes, you do matter. Unfortunately, nobody has the time to tell you that. Not your parents, not your friends.. Maybe not even your significant other. We’re all far too busy to do that. We’re busy watching TV, keeping track of the people we envy on facebook, laughing at cats on the internet. We’re too busy to care for one another. We’re too busy to care for ourselves.

We rely on others’ opinion, we want to show them how good we are, how much we matter. We’re mostly showing it to ourselves. The others don’t care, and maybe sometimes that hurts.

We’re both thinking, at the same time: Stop talking about yourself (unless it’s something interesting, something that makes me feel better about myself). I do not have time to listen to you, I have to show you how good I am. Stop telling me stuff about your school, I don’t care, I want to tell you about what a great student I was in school, how I was the best. 

I used to be rather good at maths. (See? I’m worth something.)

Me, no, I used to like to write. I would always write and my teacher would read my work in front of the class. Yeah, that was so embarrassing. (I don’t care about your accomplishments, you need to hear mine and tell me that I am good and that I matter.)

Yeah, see, that’s why I always skipped language class. (I’m too good for language class. See? I’m that good, I’m important, I matter.)

How much do you listen to the people you don’t really know? People who don’t really know you?

How come that doesn’t happen when you talk to your true friends, the people that do know you, the people for whom you know that you matter? How much do you listen to them?

And suddenly, knowing that you matter, changes everything. A conversation with a friend seems the most natural thing in the world.

A conversation with a stranger makes you frustrated. You think about what you should say next, to prove your worth. You don’t get to say it. Now he won’t know how important I am.

If you want people to listen to you, listen to them first.

I am enough

Thursday, 3 October, 2013

So I finally have a favorite song.

Whenever you feel lost, overwhelmed, anxious or just not ok, close your eyes and listen to your favorite song. Focus on the song, focus on the lyrics, focus on why it is your favorite song. In what way does it represent you? Who are you? Are you really as good as you sometimes think you are? Are you really as bad as sadness of the moment makes you feel like? Remember, you’re only a human being.

Do what makes you happy, but remember, most of the times making others feel happy is what makes you happy the most.

Think of what you wish for. Big or small. Spend time daydreaming. Figure out what you want. Who do you want to be? It’s in your hands, forget about the excuses, you know there’s always a way.

Yes, of course, life is unfair. Get over it. Be glad the unfairness of life had only affected you as much as it did. That’s the secret of happiness. Stop lying to yourself, happiness relies only on what you think.

Don’t compare yourself to others. There is no one else like you in the whole wide world, so the comparison has no point. Forget about the competition everyone needs to prove themselves they are better than some people. Why should you be better than others? We are all different, so we are all better than everyone. Life is a gift, enjoy it. Why does it matter where it came from? Is there a God, is it just laws of physics? Be happy with not knowing everything. Why do you have this need for control? Why aren’t you enough?

If you want to be happy, just pretend that you are.

Do you know that feeling you have after watching a mindfucking film, when you think that your whole life is going to be different from now on. Your eyes are more open than before, you suddenly see this whole new side of the world.

I just had one of those moments. It’s been a long time.. American beauty. I’m not going to recommend it to you, because I don’t know your story. I don’t know if you’re gonna like it, I don’t know if you can find a way to interpret it. That’s the beauty of art. You see it from your inside.

I have probably seen what my inner child wanted me to see. And the message that I want to tell (to myself) is:

Don’t let the outside kill what’s inside of you. Don’t let society kill your spirit. How you feel is more important than how you think you are. Or how others feel about you.

Don’t feel like you have to do what everybody else is doing.

And don’t let stuff define you. Stuff comes and goes. Be sure to own something you’re never gonna lose: yourself. Your person, your character, who you are. Put yourself first.

You have nothing if you’re not yourself.

This interpretation is influenced by another step in my life that I’m going through. The 12th grade, the maturity exam (btw, I have figured it out why it is called this way), decisions regarding the future… I know that it’s not nice to not have any money, especially since I know very well how that’s like. It’s normal to think about studying something that will give you more chances of getting a well-paid job. But what I’m saying is: since you probably won’t let your body starve to do what your soul wants, to paint, for example (if you’d be able to do that, then you have my admiration), don’t do it the other way around either. Don’t sacrifice your soul for money. Happiness comes from the inside. I believe that this should be everyone’s purpose in life: to find the balance that’ll make them happy.


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